I am so happy to announce here that my dream SUSHEEL FOUNDATION is finally a reality. It is an NGO dedicated primarily to sponsor education for children in need. We need your help. Anyone who wants to join me in this endeavour kindly contact at help@susheelfoundation.com
THE CALLING
Hello everyone..
Today I am going to talk about my inner calling. I think I have found it and want to share it with you all. Writing, though is not my forte, is like exploring my inner self. It helps me reach the end like a good friend.
Inner calling or as they say the objective of your existence, has always been a topic of interest for me. Everyone is assigned a certain job by the Almighty. We all have a reason to come into this world. I used to hear and read about it, wondering how is it possible to know 'why am I here'.
Is it really important to know the reason of my existence? Yes….thats the question, to know the reason of my birth, to know my part of duties, my role in this whole drama. What will happen if I don’t bother myself with this question and lead a normal, regular, comfortable life? Successful and satisfied by all standards.....
We need to stop here and think. What would have happened if I had not paused for a moment and thought about it, inspite of leading a great life why I still feel unfulfilled? A sense of incompleteness was hiding… some where deep inside me.
Life was great. Good business, good health, good lifestyle and above all I was busy. I didn't have time to think about negatives. Eight years went by. I was leading the kind of life I had selected for myself and was leading it quite well. My family, friends, everyone was proud of me.
As it was to be, my inner conflict started reflecting on my daily life as well, my business, people around me, in fact everything. I felt as if I was dragging something very heavy along with me. I started doubting myself. I was loosing confidence. I thought probably I am one of those who are born dissatisfied. Nothing can make them happy. Once again I wanted to pause and check. What am I doing? Is this what I really wanted to do? Expensive cloths, bags and jewelry were not making me happy anymore. I was back to square one. It was frustrating. I thought all my efforts to lead a fulfilled life have gone down the drain.
No…probably what I did so far was important as well. Nothing happens without a reason. May be my journey so far had led me towards my real destination…. The final destination.
THE INNER CONFLICT…
Yes.. actually I was lacking something, not knowing what it is but at the same time was getting sure day by day that I was not doing something I came for. There was an inner conflict. A complicated riddle which I had to solve.
Lets try….
FINDING MY SKELETONS…
Many things were missing in life which could bring the discomfort I was experiencing. It could be a loving childhood, a fairytale love affair which could give me some emotional anchoring. It could be the frustration of not getting selected in Indian Air Force or in IIM Ahmedabad.
Any damn reason for that matter. But show me one single person on this earth whose all the dreams have come true, including the crazy fantasies. My life was not that bad. Most of my wishes are a reality today and I am leading a life I had set for myself. I should be happy but surprisingly I was not. I was still lacking something… something very very significant. That was the beginning of my voyage....
THE TREASURE HUNT BEGINS…
I started searching for something to fill that void. I decided to be happy and do things which give me happiness. The idea was if I am happy and contented, I can spread the same thing around me. My relationships will be good and all other problems will get solved easily. I realized that I need a meaningful occupation with good money and satisfaction at the same time.
So I came out of my shelter and joined a business, the so called meaningful occupation and money was also good. I started doing some charities also with the spare money I had saved after pampering myself. It so happened that I sponsored two poor kids for their education.
THERE SEEM TO BE NO RESPITE….
Things were just perfect…. But again I started facing the same turmoil within. I was still not at peace. When I used to sit with myself and introspect I could see thousands of questions in my mind, without any answer. The tidal waves of my mind left me jittery.
THE REVELATION….
Have you ever noticed an arrow? It stretches back to gain momentum. The more it goes back, the more distance it covers ahead. Life is also like that. The more you feel being pulled back by situations and challenges, the nearer you find yourself to your goal eventually. And the best part of the whole game is that you don’t even realize it at that point of time. You are so unaware of the fact that what you have been searching your whole life was just around the corner. You could not see it then or couldn’t recognize it (as it was in my case). It is only when you reach there you stumble on it and get a sweet surprise…” oh, it was so close”.
THE TURNING POINT…
I was still adamant in my search. I had decided to keep exploring till I get my heaven. Suddenly something happened which no one could imagine even in their wildest dreams... including me.
My ordeal started. I was operated upon. This was followed by chemotherapy and radiation. All this took around seven months. Strangely enough I was quite stable and unmoved during the whole treatment. I faced everything with good mental and physical strength. Somewhere I had this feeling that God himself was there, taking care of me.
FOUND MY GOLDEN URN…
Gradually I realized that my cancer has gifted me something very precious… the mental stability and peace. It has made me more humble, see the importance of life, the entire existence. How conveniently we take all this for granted till we almost loose it. I feel blessed to get this life. I can clearly feel God is with me giving me strength and positivity. In fact I believe that He has timed my disease in such a perfect way that all the sufferings became within my tolerance level. My kids have grown up and are independent. I am still young and strong enough to bear the treatment. Above all I got best of medical attention, care and have survived. Many people are not lucky enough.